The Pattern of Beauty

SX-70 Polaroid - Graffiti Park 2014

I see patterns on paper

Patterns on walls

Patterns where patterns aren't there at all

Birds on a wire

Quick to take flight

Watch carefully as they blend into tales of the night

Take note of the way they dance in the sky

All too quickly gone with the blink of an eye

Where you see traffic

My eyes are lit like magic

Growls from an engine and squeal of a tire

All belong to this story along with birds on the wire

When you stop and admire

Really look deep with desire

Patterns emerge like embers under fire

Red light, yellow, green means go

But did you see the how that puddle would glow

As rain is falling

And drivers grow weary

I can see past all that others find dreary

There is beauty in madness, in chaos like ordinary

Humming a rhythm that is created like contrary

Sitting in traffic

Tempers can flare

But did you notice that girl running with form and great care

Like notes and lyrics

Each pattern falls into place

It's beauty you see, right smack in your face

Picture a pattern

Comprised of everyday hatter

Where all that you see and all that you know

Takes flight into a world that really matters

Do you see the beauty in waiting lines drifting long

Did you hear that mom sing her babe a lullaby song

Did you notice how the clouds mapped raindrops from the sky

Do you care that she fell and started to cry

There's patterns you see

In all those that you meet

Simply open your eyes and look down the street

If you're too busy wrapped up in all that you think is important

You miss out on the pattern that beauty defines

The pattern that can be seen

If you open your eyes

Scattered End My Friend

Noah at the Secret Park just before a storm - SX-70 Polaroid

On the last day of the year.

As the end draws near.

Skies go grey.

Shadows come out to play.

The wind grows cold.

A new story unfolds.

This well traveled path, broken stone, greenest grass.

A creek filled with mirrored glass.

Mirror, mirror.

What do you see.

Hollow eyes.

Stare back at me.

Focus beyond the veil.

Your imagination sets sail.

Dreams like fallen leaves.

There is a time to grieve.

Thoughts may be scattered.

Broken, worn, and tattered.

A heart filled with time & sand.

The hours fall away by slight of hand.

Tick tock goes the clock.

I stand there, solid rock.

This spirit is strong.

All good, no wrong.

Now I will breathe.

Sweet sighs of relief.

Paper clouds, red skies.

Look closely, open your eyes.

Swing high, swing low.

Forever a wavy flow.

*****

End notes:

Although my heart stays heavy with the recent news of Noah's tumor, I am beyond grateful for you...

You prove time and time again.

You are my dear friend.

You allow time for healing.

No judgment, no condemning.

You allow me to grieve.

Wipe tears on your sleeve.

From pound cake to laughter.

You keep refreshing each chapter.

The last hike of the year.

Brought me so much, so dear.

I don't know if I can ever thank you enough.

For just being there, listening to all my fluff.

I just hope you know.

How dear and how much I thank you so.

~~~

Carousel Melancholia Part Deux

SX-70 Polaroid - 1st Beach on a gloomy day - La Push, Washington

round and round I go reaching melancholy highs.

riding on a carousel  I'm the wolf in disguise.

where am I going and where am I now?

cloaked in the shadows,  it's the darkness that I vow.

Listen closely to my tale of sadness and despair.

Feel my tears fall from my eyes as I rip out my hair.

As the darkness grows deeper and the light fades away.

I wonder who will miss me and who will wish that I had stayed.

Did I swing from the trees, Did I call out your name?

Would we ever have that chance to be together again?

My thoughts rush like fever and sweat drips from my brow.

Where were we then and where am I now?

I can't see my shadow, yet my roots run deep.

Binding, forever, there is darkness where I reap.

It speaks in riddles and it calls out my name.

Nothing is similar yet it all feels the same.

round and round I go reaching melancholy highs.

riding on a carousel  I'm the wolf in disguise.

where am I going and where am I now?

cloaked in the shadows,  it's the darkness that I vow.

Take my hand in yours and hold on tight.

My grip filled with ice, haunting tales of flight.

I challenge the darkness as it enters the ring

No breath, no voice, yet I will still sing.

I'll take on the earth, the heavens and below.

When death calls your name you feel that first blow.

My blood doesn't run and my fear doesn't follow.

Aura black as night as I enter the weeping hollow.

round and round I go reaching melancholy highs.

riding on a carousel  I'm the wolf in disguise.

where am I going and where am I now?

cloaked in the shadows,  it's the darkness that I vow.

round and round I go reaching melancholy highs.

riding on a carousel  I'm the wolf in disguise.

where am I going and where am I now?

cloaked in the shadows,  it's the darkness that I vow.

Carousel Melancholia

Original SX-70 Polaroid - Oakwood Cemetery - ATX

Round and round reaching  melancholy highs.

The darkness consumes, fading light falls victim from the sky.

What have I learned?

Where did I go?

Did I make it the greatest damn day I ever did know?

This tale of woe.

Of sadness and despair.

Tears from my eyes as I rip out my hair.

Darkness grows deeper, light fades away.

Did I make it the best, the best damn day I could play?

Did I swing from the trees?

Did I call out your name?

Would we ever have that chance to be together again?

Thoughts rush like fever, sweat drips from my brow.

Where were we then and where am I now?

I can't see my shadow.

My roots running deep.

Binding, forever.

This darkness revealed while I sleep.

It speaks in riddles and it calls my name.

Nothing is similar yet it all feels the same.

The cold.  

The dying.

It's death at my door.

No need for an invitation.

It's my time.

It's an extended vacation.

Take my hand and hold it tight.

Grip filled with ice and tales of the night.

I challenge the darkness as it enters the ring.

Without a voice, I will still sing.

I'll take on the earth, the heavens, the depths below.

When death calls your name you feel that first blow.

Blood doesn't run and fear doesn't follow.

Blacker than night and into the hollow.

Where am I going, where am I now?

Forever spinning on this carousel of unknown.

Round and round and into darkness I shall go.

*****

Take It All In

Viewpoint along the Barton Creek Greenbelt near the Hill of Life - high above the trees, just after storms blew through and brought in a cold front.

Paint me a pretty picture darling.

Swirling colors to create an ode to the sky.

Vast and forever.

Not tainted with lies.

Paint me a layer of dreams wrapped in blankets of clouds.

Don't hold your breath.

Take it all in.

Let yourself fall in love with this moment again.

Paint us dancing along treetops.

Wings spread wide.

Nothing to hide.

Watercolors flow freely upstream.

It's your path, make it your dream.

Paint this picture darling.

Allow the colors to blend into your heart.

Course through your veins.

Take it all in.

And darling, please make sure to paint it pretty again.

*****

Crystal Clear

SX-70 Polaroid - My grandparents' pool in San Antonio - While growing up, I lived in this pool over the summer.

What do I want?

Where do I want to end up in life?

How do I want to feel?

What makes me happy?

*****

What makes me happy:

Hiking.

When I know I've put a genuine smile on someone's face.

Listening to music.

My friends.

My family.

Playing and walking with the dogs.

Finding new recipes to cook/ bake.

Eating good food.

Working in the garden.

Polaroid and film photography.

Working out and meditating.

Writing.

Being outdoors.

Exploring.

Vintage cars, campers, and homes.

Tiny homes.

Swings.

The ocean.

Working with small businesses and creative minds.

A clean house.

Reading.

Giving and sharing kindness in all forms.

Pausing to enjoy moments - to be present and aware.

*****

How do I want to feel:

Loved.

Appreciated.

Gracious.

Calm.

Helpful.

Giving.

Always learning.

Strong.

Connected.

*****

What do I want:

To be present in everything that I do.

To enjoy whatever job I do.

To stay in touch with family and friends.

Yet still be able to explore and spread my wings.

Balance between focus and dreaming.

To take care of myself and others.

*****

Alright - now to focus - 

What are my goals and where do I want to end up in life...

Goal:  Healthy Body, Mind, and Soul

I can only take care of myself and others by keeping myself healthy, in all stages/ aspects of my life.

Body + Mind + Soul

+  I will continue to grow stronger each day +

Training with Josh.

Yoga 

Eating wholesome food and supporting local farmers.

+  I will continue to learn each day +

Reading (quotes, books, poems, articles, history)

Meditation (daily practice, reading, experience)

Volunteer and hone current skills as well as seek out and learn new ones.

+  I will nourish my soul each day +

Walk the dogs.

Hike.

Pause and reflect.

Be creative (art, writing, collage, design, cooking/baking, gardening)

Respect and be gracious.

Make life beautiful.

Embrace my time with family and friends.

Take photos.

*****

Goal:  Harmony in Work to reflect on my life and share with others.

The work I do must be meaningful to me and must help others in the process.

+ Design/ Build/ Refurbish Tiny-Small-Efficient Homes +

I've always had an interest, but have never put focus into this.

I have a degree in design and real estate.

I am creative.

I am passionate about efficient living to help our planet and ourselves.

Less is more - I've always believed in that.

I enjoy working with salvaged materials/ recycled products.

I want to bring life to old homes, not destroy them, but instead make them efficient.

Working with the earth, not against it.

Helping to create sustainable living with little waste.

Supporting local businesses as much as possible.

I will absorb whatever knowledge and skills it takes -  I will seek it out and I will master it.

*****

Goal:  Experience + Explore + Learn

My real experiences I gain from travels, taking myself out of my comfort zone, always enlighten me and reinforce my passions.

+ Travel +

Being able to witness how others live, love, create.

See the beauty that our world offers.

The open road.

Forests.

From rocky coastline to pristine, white shores.

Bask in clear skies or dance in the rain.

Share my stories and gain new ones.

+ Meaningful Relationships +

Keep experiencing and continue to be grateful for the close friends I keep.
Grow and learn from these relationships.
Strengthen bonds and connections.

*****

Seeking Me

SX-70 Polaroid - Tire Swing at my secret park.

Round and round I go.

Blurring the edges of reality.

One foot on the other side.

I walk in both worlds.

Why shouldn't I.

My world is what I make of it.

When skies are grey.

You won't find me hiding away.

I dance with the trees.

Send my laughter with the wind.

Connecting the stars.

Creating life in the clouds.

I seek to find.

Me.

All in little moments.

No grand gestures need fall at my feet.

Throw me a stone and tell me a story.

All I want is your time.

Your smile.

Your hand in mine.

Angels in the sand.

Fire to light the way.

Sing me a lullaby.

Even if I cry.

Deep in the forest I hear my name.

Following the maze.

Nothing ever looks the same.

Colors so bright.

I walk toward the light.

Tempt me.

Tease me.

Light me on fire.

My whole being.

Flames of desire.

Energy from the sun and moon, sky and earth.

Wash over me.

Create me.

Follow my path.

Always winding.

Weaving threads of darkness and light.

Never look back.

Seeking me.

Learning me.

Being me.

*****